Obama to White Sox Fans – You’re Ugly!

August 26, 2008

In an effort to appeal to bitter, disaffected voters who carry “an antipathy to people who are not like them,” Barack Obama publicly supported the Chicago White Sox and their brand of “serious” baseball during a recent interview with ESPN’s Stuart Scott.

 

The Junior Senator from Illinois also used the opportunity to deliver a political blow to North Side baseball fans, many of whom may or may not know how many homes they own.

 

“You go to Wrigley Field, you have a beer, beautiful people up there” said Obama, squeezing in a dig at Cindy McCain and her Anheuser-Busch bottling empire. “People aren’t watching the game. It’s not serious. White Sox, that’s baseball. South Side.”  

 

This salt of the earth criminal took time off from scoring a 2003 game at “The Cell” to blindside a member of the Kansas City Royals’ coaching staff. So much for turning Missouri into a Blue State.

This salt of the earth criminal took time off from scoring a 2003 game at “The Cell” to blindside a member of the Kansas City Royals’ coaching staff. So much for turning Missouri into a Blue State.

 

 

While ObamaCubs.com recognizes that the soon-to-be nominee needs to brush back charges of elitism in order to win the general election, his pandering to downtrodden Sox fans (who will probably write in their votes for Daley anyway) has officially exceeded his political pitch count. We can live with pseudo terrorist weatherman and narcissistic men of the cloth, but Obama’s suicide squeeze into political Ozzieball makes some of us root for an 11th Hour brokered convention. At least Hilary was a Cubs fan for most of her life.

 

 

Ironically, the real hero from the Illinois delegation this week was not even invited to speak in Denver. Now we know why. It wasn’t Governor Blagojevich’s association with Tony Rezko or his perpetual 0-2 count with prospective voters that denied him the podium. In 2005, as Blago was gearing up for his reelection campaign, the Governor (for once) relied on his principals and refused to endorse The White Sox as World Champions. This, more than his $10 million war chest, helped defeat Judy Barr Topinka in the following year’s general election.

 

 

So, Senator Obama, while our loyalty to you is ultimately unending, we ask that you show both principled and political judgment and rethink your position on the American Pastime. Illinois is yours no matter what, but you may want to consider that generations of voters outside the state historically are more likely to support the Cubs by watching nationwide WGN than the Sox via the fuzzy Channel 44 or ONTV’s SportsVision.

 

 

For ObamaCubs.com readers who feel as passionately as we do and that Obama needs to reinforce his Cubby bona fides, there is no greater way to express your support that by buying a shirt or bumper sticker at our online store. Proceeds will be invested in research and development towards developing a sustainable business model for online media and satirical weblogs.

 

There is still time to make history.

 

 

 

Take a lesson from Da Mayor and declare your allegiance now.

Take a lesson from Da Mayor and declare your allegiance now.


Bench Coach Biden Bleeds Blue All Over

August 25, 2008

The same week Carlos Zambrano loses one of his molars on the mound, Barack Obama finds yet another way to put new teeth into his campaign.

 

Obama’s choice of Joe Biden as presidential battery mate was inspired. Not only will it help the Junior Senator from Illinois win the election, but Biden – a perennial number two hitter if there ever were one – will also help Obama set up his governing rotation this January.

 

The arrows are pointing up for Obama and the Cubs heading into the home stretch.

The arrows are pointing up for Obama and the Cubs heading into the home stretch.

The regular season of the 2008 presidential campaign finally begins this week in the Mile High City and then continues to the Twin Cities after Labor Day. While Obama enjoys a slight lead in the aggregate standings, the American public will have the opportunity to see both campaigns in consecutive weeks compete on equal playing fields. Biden’s addition to the democratic oratorical rotation should have as great if not a greater impact than the Cubbie’s celebrated mid-season pickup.

 

And speaking of the real savior to our hopes and dreams…

 

Excuse the mixture of church and cyberspace, but Rich Harden has been a revelation since first stepping foot onto The Friendly Confines six weeks ago. An import from deep blue Northern California, Harden has been sent to the North Side to both win the war this October and responsibly end a century worth of futility.

 

Like Cleveland, Ohio swing state veteran and eventual Cy Young Winner Rick Sutcliff, Harden has joined the Cubs amidst a magical season and is nearly unbeatable when the lights shine on his craft. Lets just pray that Harden and co., unlike their 1984 counterparts, have the stomach to finish the job when playing for keeps deeper in the fall.

 

Allan Trammell, a 1984 World Champion with the Detroi Tigers, points Rich Harden to The Promised Land.

Allan Trammell, a 1984 World Champion with the Detroi Tigers, points Rich Harden to The Promised Land.


ObamaCubs.com Casts Vote for HuffPo Chicago

August 20, 2008

While it is getting late early for the conventional journalism industry as we know it, Chicago is lucky to have the services of a late inning pinch hitter that can drive us out of a funk with one swing of the bat. The famed Huffington Post led off its lineup of local market publications in Chicago earlier this month, and ObamaCubs.com encourages everyone to read it early and often.

 

While Arianna Huffington is clearly an Obama supporter, her vote for the Junior Senator from Illinois at ObamaCubs.com is not a foregone conclusion. A native of Greece, Huffington has a deep appreciation for tragedy, history and comedy which are all of course central tenets of the Cubbie platform.

While Arianna Huffington is clearly an Obama supporter, her vote for the Junior Senator from Illinois at ObamaCubs.com is not a foregone conclusion. A native of Greece, Huffington has a deep appreciation for tragedy, history and comedy which are all of course central tenets of the Cubbie platform.

As Chicago’s grand patriarch Richard J. Daley would say today, if you can’t help those who have linked to your website than “who can you help?” That said, we would be remiss not to disclose that HuffPo was kind enough to introduce ObamaCubs.com to its world on August 18. The exposure generated a nice uptick in our early polling.

Once visiting HuffPo Chicago, we also recommend you take a look at the tragically genius submission by our friends at TheHeckler.com. The Heckler harkens back to around this time in 1984, when the Red Barron Rick Sutcliff, catch a fire Jody Davis and pastor Jesus Manny Trillo were on their way to bringing Chicago a World Series Champion for the first time in 76 years.

Not only did the Cubs predictably lose in the NLCS after being up two games, but the series was an overcooked appetizer to further disappointment in November. The world would have been a better place if MondaleCubs.com had its own chance to shine.

Mondale was probably a Twins fan anyway.

Mondale was probably a Twins fan anyway.

 

 

 


During Saddleback Debate, Obama Fails to Address Greatest Moral Failure

August 19, 2008

There were a few nuggets of truth to come out of Pastor Rick Warren’s quasi 700 Club presidential debate at the Saddleback Church on Saturday night.

For starters, John McCain proved that he could at least read a Blackberry. Evidence of McCain’s digital literacy emerged as – despite being shielded by a “cone of silence – he somehow seemed to know the answers to Warren’s questions before they were even asked. As for Barack Obama, while he did volunteer his youthful indiscretions of partaking in booze and a bit of herb and blow as a youngster, he failed to acknowledge and ask forgiveness for his greatest sin of all which is of course publicly supporting the White Sox.

 

Obama can only triangulate his diamond stance for so long.

Obama can only triangulate his diamond stance for so long.

While we here at ObamaCubs.com publicly endorse Obama’s need to bend on his moral convictions for the sake of winning an election, the Junior Senator from Illinois needs to understand that in the land of Major League Baseball there is only one place called Hope. This is of course at the corner of Clark and Addison.

Meanwhile, on the diamond, the Cubbies put a bookend of sorts to their own Florida nightmare this past weekend. The “snowman” eight-spot put up against the Marlins on Sunday after being shut out for six innings eerily resembled that nightmarish Eighth Inning in the 2003 NLCS. Doesn’t it feel good to be on the right side of history this time?

As the Cubbies come home for their own hit of angel dust against the Reds this week, they have a chance of extending their cushion of postseason contention into double digits. Not even a late September surprise of Latroy Hawkins proportions can deny them of postseason glory.

Isn’t it great to be alive, dude?

Who would have thunk Dusty would end up a Red-Stater?

Who would have thunk Dusty would end up a Red-Stater?

 

 

 

 

 


Polls Tightening in ObamaCubs.com Survey

August 17, 2008

After an early-inning onslaught that saw substantially more visitors to ObamaCubs.com pledge their allegiance to the Junior Senator from Illinois, Cubbie Karma is making a comeback. As of August 17, 45 percent of respondents now say if given the choice of one outcome this fall they would rather see the Cubs as World Champions than Obama running the free world.

 

The Cubs cleverly used their time in Miami this week to brush up on hanging chads. In the event of an election that is too close to call, they have this guy who is keeping a good eye on the ball.

The Cubs cleverly used their time in Miami this week to brush up on hanging chads. In the event of an election that is too close to call, they have this guy who is keeping a good eye on the ball.

 

In Chicago, of course, we are used to voting early and often (although only one vote is allowed per IP address). While Obama’s 10-point 55 percent/45 percent advantage is outside the margin of error, less than one percent of precincts have reported to date and it is far too early to call. Don’t miss out on your opportunity to be a part of pop culture Zeitgeist and add yet another formula to Chuck Todd’s electoral calculus.

 

Make your vote today!

 

Who would Todd vote for?

Who would Todd vote for?


Obama Prepares Hawaiian Punch to McCain’s Achilles Heel

August 10, 2008

While division championships and presidential elections are never won in August, the sleepy summer month is a critical time for laying the groundwork for both campaigns. As McCain and his cronies exhibit their joy in political Mudville, Barack Obama is skipping his start in the media cycle rotation for some well-deserved rest and patented outside of the diamond thinking.

 

Even at an early age, Obama has always found himself on top of things in his home state.

Even at an early age, Obama has always found himself on top of things in his home state.

 

 

The only dribbler of hope remaining for John McCain is that the “Obama Fatigue” that Chicago Sun-Times columnist Carol Marin describes as keeping the both campaigns a half game apart will carry through towards November. Of course, three months before the Iowa Primary Obama was trailing Hillary Clinton by more than 10 games in the standings and was thought to be at best a wildcard running mate candidate.

 

Obama’s focus on the little things like red state caucuses that had as much impact on the standings as anything that transpired on Tsunami Tuesday sealed the nomination. With a slight lead in the polls and a huge advantage in the game of Moneyball, Obama can use this time assemble the most effective lineup for the homestretch of the campaign.

 

“You always play the game from behind even when you’re ahead,” wrote Marin about the Obama strategy moving forward.

 

Meanwhile, Cubbyville, the North Siders are doing a pretty good job playing from a position of leadership. After a mini-crises involving off-scoring offensive production in late July, the Cubs still hold a comfortable lead in the division and among contenders for the N.L. Wildcard. One area of pause, however, comes from the tail-end of the bullpen where Kerry Wood’s blistering fastball may be giving Kid-Xray a case of the back spasms. If you don’t think back spasms are a big deal, just ask the Bears how comfortable they are with John St. Clair holding down the left side of their offensive line well through the election now that rookie Chris Williams succumbed to a herniated disk.

 

While we here at ObamaCubs.com having nothing but love for Kerry Wood and his passion for the eternal blue state of a World Series championship, the time has come to consider the catholic vote bring in Jeff Samardzija to close things out with authority. Not only would the former Golden Domer have a better chance of delivering Indiana than Evan Bayh, but his fresh approach and triple-digit fastball eerily resembles that of Bobby Jenks three years ago. Even if Wood’s role in a championship is no more than a Dustin Hermanson first half shot in the arm, his professionalism and statesmanship should deliver him a Cubby ambassadorship for generations to come.   

The Gods will be watching as Samardzija delivers his blue state thunder.

The Gods will be watching as Samardzija delivers his blue state thunder.


Commentary: When The Lights Went On In The Cit-ay A Look Back At 8/8/88

August 8, 2008

Has it really been twenty years? Can August 8, 1988 be that far in the proverbial rear view mirror? Has this really become, to quote a song I recently heard in its’ miserable entirety at Walgreens, “A Whole New World”?

Allow me to paint a picture for those of you too young to remember those halcyon days of 1988. The Saturday edition of the Chicago Sun-Times regularly contained more than thirty pages. Oprah had a last name. Steve Dahl was relevant. And on 8/8/88, Wrigley Field made a belated entrance into baseball’s controversial “lights era”, becoming the last professional stadium to allow night baseball.

Remember me? I used to be semi-famous!

Remember me? I was famous when your parents were in high school.

Illuminating Wrigley Field took years of wrangling between the Wrigleyville neighborhood and the City Council. A typically contentious battle was fought when the Cubs threatened to move to the suburbs. Mayor Harold Washington, a proponent of lights (and the occasional beef sandwich) died. Alderman Dorothy Tillman purchased a sassy, new hat. Chaos ensued.

By early 1988, interim mayor Eugene Sawyer – the mayoral equivalent of former Cubs manager Frank Lucchesi – helped make lights a reality. Despite myriad roadblocks, the City Council reached a fair and balanced decision for all involved: Wrigleyville residents were told to shut their f-ing mouths and deal with it.

I won’t bore you with the details of how the first night game was rained out, how Al Nipper forever cemented his brief legacy as a Cub, or how I watched the game on a small TV at summer camp, then spent the rest of the night desperately trying to get to second base with my camp girlfriend. (I’m still trying.)

I thought this wasn't supposed to hurt?

I thought this wasn't supposed to hurt?

Instead, let’s consider a question that remains relevant long after the memories of Richard Marx and “Perfect Strangers” have receded: were lights at Wrigley good idea? A lot has happened in the last two decades to support the claim that it was. Indeed, each of what follows occurred only after lights were installed at Wrigley Field: The internet. Combo fajitas. Every episode of “The Jeffersons” on DVD. Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus. Really tall Chinese people in the NBA. Doing other things while driving a car instead of just driving a car. You don’t recall any of these before 8/8/88, do you? Exactly.

Sure, Obama can shoot 3's, but he better keep out of the paint. Unless he wants a taste of Yao, that is.

Sure, Obama can shoot 3's, but he better keep out of the paint. Unless he wants a taste of Yao, that is.

The impact of Wrigley’s lights on politics is no exception. It’s historically unfathomable that before 8/8/88, the Supreme Court would have been progressive enough to appoint a mildly retarded guy as President. And it’s becoming increasingly clear that Americans wouldn’t be on the threshold of electing an African American in his 40’s, who’s middle name is Hussein, comes from mixed parents, and took campaign money from a convicted felon as our next President were it not for lights at Wrigley Field.

So on this most historic of anniversaries, take a moment to consider the significance of this day. Give your ComEd guy a hug. Leave your lights on all year long! And plan to celebrate again on 8/8/28, when we’ll no doubt be looking back on the end of global warming, the Cubs first (second, third, and fourth) World Series in 100 years, and the first election of one of the most successful, two term Presidents of all time, Barack Obama.

And be sure to tell your kids it’s all because of the lights at Wrigley Field.

Lights at Wrigley = world peace, happiness, and puppies for all. OK, maybe not Neo-Con Republicans. They eat puppies.

Lights at Wrigley = world peace, happiness, and puppies for all. OK, maybe not neo-con republicans. They eat puppies.